*Sigh* I still don't know why I bother heading down to Florida. It never turns out well, and while there are moments that are nice, there are so many other moments that just make me wonder why I bother. Not only do I feel constant frustration when I am here, but I feel so disconnected from me and my own world. It's depressing and it makes me want to crawl in a hole and hide.

The only good thing about any of this is that this trip I feel very disconnected from my mother. She used to have such a hold on me, and I used to try so hard to make her happy even to my detriment. Meh. This time I just told her to deal. Stop being and doing what she does or don't bother and we will leave. Sure, it didnt really stop her, but it shut her up for the time being.

What I really did not expect so much of is the bullshit from my sister. She is so enthralled with her friends that she cannot do anything without them. She thinks that I am going to let her have them all over here and that I am going to just give in and let her have the run of the hotel room. She's yelled at Connor, me, and mom...and shes been more of a bitch than I've ever known her to be around me. I mean, I bend over backwards to give her what she needs, and I get slammed anyways. Meh again. I give up. Not gonna deal anymore. She has chosen the friends and her fucked up way of life over her sister. So be it.

What I hated most, however, is the fact that she set me up where I had to talk to her father. I loathe the man, and I want nothing to do with him...yet somehow Carina always makes it so I have to talk to him. I am so caught between not being rude, not locking myself out of her life, and wanting to avoid the man like the plague. I've never hated someone so much in my life...and yet he remains in my life like something that does not ever go away. What I would give to bury that part of my life...

I can't wait to get home and bury myself into work. With a new addition to my arsenal, I have high hopes that something will start to happen. I can't wait to be on the way...

*sigh* A few more days...and hopefully things will go back to somewhat normal. I have tons of work to do...and I just want to get home and get started.

I am missing you like always, and I never will be as cool and calm as you are as long as we are apart. Sure, it is easier as I finally am allowing myself to trust and realize that you are real and you are here...but there is something to be said for being able to look, touch, smell, feel, and simply be near. I really loved last week...and I am looking forward to the summer.

I hope the shuttle actually goes tonight...otherwise, it's back into the fray of exhaustion for me and the kids. Poor Connor is so tired he panics over nothing, and actually woke up crying for you last night. My mom hated it, but I smiled and told him we would see you soon. I'm still amazed at this connection, but it has made me fall even more for you. The last barrier has shattered. My kids love you, and thus, you are as close to perfect as is possible in a human...at least in my eyes. In the end, that is all that matters.

I love you...and I hope you are having a good time. <3 I'll be home soon, and maybe I can get this show on the road.

Rissa