It's an odd moment...time is seemingly losing meaning, one hour running into the next, one day blending into the next, one week meshing into the neverending river that we call time. I think the only way I can really tell time is passing at all is the fact that the scars are healing, and soon, I won't have to hide them. I am getting lost in movies, drifting somewhere between the waking world, and one where I am that which I want to be...one in my dreams.

Sleep doesn't come easy lately. Dredging up the past has brought so many nightmares to the surface, and so many things I cannot yet write about. It's still difficult to face things even though so many years have passed...but I am still living the moments in my nightmares. If only I could come out and say what happened, maybe I would not have such a hard time facing it...

I miss you. It seems that the world has grown quiet. I guess my time spent with you was such a large part of my life that now that it is gone, there is a huge empty part of me, and I wonder why. Without specific feedback, I seem lost, and unsure of how to proceed. You say to assume things, but I am so bad at reading people, especially you...I can't tell if I am setting myself up for failure, or what. Either way, I give you the space that I think you need...knowing that you can always find me, and I will always be here when you are ready.

Still, as silence settles, I feel as if I am holding on and chasing...and Im not sure if this is good or bad. I don't want you to go, to fade away. You were my friend before, and even though things grow into more, you are still my friend. Perhaps the days of loyalty and absolute friendship are gone, but as my true friends of years gone by know, I will do anything for a friend...and I will do more for you...

I try to move my mind on to something else, but you are never out of my thoughts. I guess that is part of loving someone...and I wonder if I am in your mind as well...the only conclusion I can come to is to give it time. Trust that you will be here soon, and that I really do matter.