I don't know what it is about silence...but it has always unnerved me. Maybe it's another throwback to my childhood, a time where everyone seemed to leave me behind...and no one ever just said what they were thinking. Back then, silence meant that someone else was about to leave, avoid, or hurt me...so I guess it is reasonable to not like silence now.

I know I am afraid of many things...and most of them I simply do not want to face. I've hidden from these things for so long...escaping to a digital realm or a fantasy world that allowed me the freedom to be important to someone or some cause. It's been a jolt to face a reality that simply does not care. I'm still searching for me...digging through all of the faces I put up so that I would be accepted in areas I simply did not fit, trying to reconnect to what I find joy in.

Still, the digital fantasies appeal...an alternative to these scars that appear and reappear on my arms over the long years of suffering. I wish for once they would go away and not return, but I think that I have a long road ahead of me before I can fully write them off as something of the past. What I thought I was over, I never am, and now, I am so scared to face things. Afraid of everything, life is spiraling...but now I realize that maybe I have been so focused on others...so I wouldnt have to face myself...

Tell me a story...face the past...only in seeing it, and feeling it, can I face it and really come to terms with the nightmares...