Maybe it's the fact that everything seems easier after the fact, or maybe I just like to make things out to be more than what they are. Who knows. Things were so hard to face for such a long time, and I did everything that I could to avoid them. Perhaps it was this that made me feel as if things would never get better or change.

In the end, the overall process has been much easier than I ever imagined. Going from so unhappy...being so miserable all the time...to being content with most days of my life has been fast. Almost too fast. Sheesh, if I had known that it was this simple, then perhaps I would have done it long ago and saved myself some heartache.

Then again, I think that having someone to catch me had a lot to do with me taking that step. I have been so isolated...so alone...for so long. I forgot what it was like to be around people. I am slowly learning what it is like to be somewhat normal again, rather than stuck in a corner and contained...destined to provide for an overage child and his friends. Freedom feels so nice.

If things had not gone the way they had, I would not know you. Perhaps fate doesn't exist, but it was a long and complex road that led me to you. The serendipity of the events that comprised the broken road is almost too much to think pure coincidence, but no matter what it was, I am ever thankful that this is where life has led me. It has not been easy, and there are still scars on my soul that perhaps may never go away...but you once told me that you were never going to run away...and I am beginning to trust in that.

I was never one to go out and tell anyone about much. I held it in and ignored it. I would hide in my room if I needed to break down, and I would push on...alone. For some reason, you made it easy to talk to you. Something about who you are made it simple for me to delve into things that I wasn't willing to talk to myself about. I faced things I had hidden for years, and I think the only reason I was able to was because you were there with me...always willing to change the subject and put a smile on my face if I needed it. Steady hands, guiding me through the nightmare, ready to catch me if I started to stumble, and set me back on the path.

Death is no longer something I wish for. Even the night I got drunk in Ohio, it was not like the nights that I would get drunk alone here. Those nights I wanted to die. I wanted the blood to flow, and the last time I tried, you stopped me. Those thoughts have gone from my mind, and in the short time that we have been friends, I have uncovered a side of life that I had been thinking only existed in fantasy. It was only for other people, never for me...and that is no longer true.

It seems as if I was ready to let the bad go, and as time goes on, the bad days become less and less a part of my life. Perhaps one day they will fade into my nightmares. Either way, I am thankful to have my friend and lover beside me as I tread onto this new land.