It's been some time since I've posted, which I attribute to the many other things in life that have suddenly become so much more important that my own expression. Still, there are days where my feelings and my mind seem to take me to a pretty dark place, and I wonder if life is just not easier if it is not life. Right, then left, then right again. One foot in front of the other. Keep going...

What I want is becoming such a murky topic. I don't know what I want in this life anymore really. What I thought I wanted seems to hard, so I just stop caring. There are moments when I feel that overwhelming surge of passion for those things I once really wanted, but those times are few and far between, lost in the mindless babble of the world around me. Make money, make the right choices, do what I have to and then retreat into the virtual world. That is what life seems to have become. At least I'm not hiding anymore.

I find such joy in the moments. It's not the day to day trudge where happiness is, and perhaps that is why so many people are not happy. No, the happiest moments are those few seconds when something profound happens, and feelings surge. The little things that are said that make me feel worth something, the tiny actions that might not seem like much to anyone else. Those are the times when I can say I really am...happy.

The bad thing about finding those little moments is the pain that can be found in them as well. My guess is that these moments are so small because of the tide of emotions that come with it. I don't think humanity could really deal with these moments on a regular basis. I think we are all too weak.

Time marches on, and whatever I end up thinking that I want, somehow has a bad side and I throw the idea away. In the end I will store the few things that never waver deep down inside where no one can find them. If they happen, then they happen, but I will not look for something that will probably never come...